Making a high-pressure decision with integrity starts with pressing pause: step back, slow the timeline where you can, and ask what choice will let everyone involved sleep at night. When a sudden threat forces a fast call, resist reacting emotionally — gather the facts, bring in trusted people, and weigh the options against your values, not just the dollars. The right answer often costs something in the short term while protecting your reputation long-term. Integrity is the asset that's hardest to rebuild once it's gone, so it should anchor the decision from the start.
Ellen Williams speaks with Susan L. Combs, founder of the insurance brokerage Combs & Company and of the veterans nonprofit Pancakes for Roger, about a pause that arrived without warning. Just days earlier, a donor had demanded that Susan's young nonprofit hand over a large share of its funds to an unvetted project — and threatened legal action. What Susan and her board did under that pressure became a working example of leading with integrity when the easy path and the right path point in different directions.
Press Pause Before You React
The nonprofit had been thrilled to receive a generous $20,000 gift. Then the donor demanded they redirect $14,000 — nearly a third of their bank balance — to a project they knew nothing about. Susan's instinct was not to fire back but to slow down.
"The path that we chose was the best path for us. We all want to be able to sleep at night."
She took it to her board and laid out three options to vote on: make the donation to his project, return the full gift, or return the contested portion and retain enough to cover already-committed expenses. The board didn't vote unanimously — there was passionate disagreement — but they aired it, respected the differences, and reminded themselves they'd done nothing wrong. They were trying to help veterans the best way they could.
How do you make a high-pressure decision with integrity?
Press pause, then decide against your values rather than your panic. When a donor pressured Susan Combs's nonprofit to redirect funds under threat of legal action, she stopped, took the issue to her board, and laid out three clear options to vote on. The board didn't agree unanimously, but they aired the differences, respected them, and chose the path they could all stand behind. Her test was simple: which option lets everyone sleep at night? A high-pressure decision made on that standard protects the organization long after the pressure is gone.
When Someone Threatens a Lawyer, Stop Talking
Susan has been a business owner since she was 26, and one hard-won rule kicked in the moment the donor escalated.
"Anytime somebody says lawyer, you cease to talk."
As soon as the donor threatened to call his attorney, she told the board member who'd been managing the relationship to stop communicating — because anything said after that point could further expose the organization to liability. It wasn't about being combative. It was about not negotiating themselves into a worse position emotionally. They handled the rest carefully and deliberately, making sure every move was made on behalf of the organization's best interest rather than in the heat of the moment.
What should you do when someone threatens to call their lawyer?
Stop talking. Susan Combs's firm rule, learned over decades as a business owner, is that the moment someone says "lawyer," you cease communicating — because anything you say next can expose you or your organization to liability. When the donor threatened legal action, she told the board member managing the relationship to halt the conversation immediately. It's not about being adversarial; it's about not negotiating yourself into a worse position while emotions are high. Pause, document what happened, and route the matter carefully rather than firing back in the moment.
Can a Donor Take Back a Donation?
The situation raised a question many nonprofit leaders never think to ask until it lands on their desk: can a donor simply demand their money back?
"Integrity is really the only thing I really have."
Legally, the answer leaned in the nonprofit's favor — a completed charitable donation generally can't be reversed. But Susan weighed more than the law. A young nonprofit can't afford bad publicity, and returning everything would have left them in deficit after expenses they'd already paid. So the board returned the contested $14,000 to the donor personally, kept $6,000 to cover commitments and fund a veteran grant in his state, and then updated their website and donation forms to state the policy plainly. She even shared the experience with peer nonprofits so they could tighten their own forms.
Can a donor ask for their donation back from a nonprofit?
Generally no — under IRS rules, a completed charitable donation is non-refundable and can't simply be taken back. But as Susan Combs found, the law isn't the only consideration: a young nonprofit can't afford bad publicity either. Rather than fund an unvetted project or return everything and fall into deficit, her board returned the contested portion to the donor personally and kept enough to cover committed expenses and support a veteran grant. They then updated their website and donation forms to state the policy clearly — and shared the lesson with peer organizations.
The One Thing
Under pressure, the leaders who come out whole are the ones who decide based on what lets them sleep at night. Susan Combs and her board absorbed a real financial hit rather than be strong-armed into a choice they couldn't stand behind — and then shared the lesson so other nonprofits wouldn't get caught the same way. Integrity costs something up front and protects everything that matters afterward.
